


MV 13 New Beginnings

by katbear



Series: Master's Voice [13]
Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:05:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1660790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katbear/pseuds/katbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The start of a new year with new hopes but old issues still to resolve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	MV 13 New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Q/O (Quilan Finn/Ben Kennan)  
> Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Merry Amelie, starhunter79 ). All mistakes are my own.  
> Warnings: If male-male sex bothers you, you shouldn’t be here. 
> 
> Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. The base story plus the first eleven sequels constitute what I consider the first story arc of Master's Voice and takes them up to the point in their internal timeline two months after Quilan moved in with Ben. Story 13 begins the next major story arc.
> 
> 4\. It’s been a while since I’ve posted, so here’s a reminder of some of the key characters. Quilan Finn – law enforcement ranger at Keogami National Forest, Ben Kennan – motorcycle mechanic, Jane Brandon – Ben & Qui’s landlady, Rafaela Romero, another boarder at Jane’s house, Celesta (Cel) – Rafa’s horse, Liz and Linda – lesbian friends of Jane, Reverend Charles Jenkins – gay pastor at Jane & Rafa’s church, Frank Mendoza – Ben’s boss at Midway Motorcycles, Maureen Kennan – Ben’s sister, Mattie – university student intern filling in between semesters, Mikhail Petrovich Kuznetsov (Misha) – student at university
> 
> Story Arc One  
> Master's Voice  
> MV 2 - Honeymoon  
> MV 3 - First Session  
> MV 4 - Morning Blues  
> MV 5 – Relocation  
> MV 6 – Snow Falls  
> MV 7 – Attentions  
> MV 8 - Giving Thanks  
> MV 9 - First Review  
> MV 10 – Questions  
> MV 11 – Merry Christmas  
> MV 12 – Happy New Year?
> 
> Story Arc Two  
> MV 13 New Beginnings
> 
> Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them.

_**6 January Monday** _

"Don't get too comfortable." Tony Carmine, head of the sales team, leaned against the doorframe of Frank Mendoza's office. His white teeth gleamed in a huge, knowing smile.

Ben looked up with a sheepish grin, caught in the act of enjoying the chair behind his boss's desk. "Don't worry, I know I'm only keeping it warm for the next three days." He picked up a printed sheet. "Top thing on Frank's to-do list is his cell phone number in big print."

Tony sauntered in and parked a hip on the edge of the desk. "Anything you need help with?"

"I don't think so." Ben studied the list for a moment. "Top priority would be new customer jobs, of course, but Frank said we rarely get much regular maintenance work this time of year. The next biggest item looks like having Mattie and me get started on the quarterly inventory, but I'll talk to Karen to get us logged into the application for that, since she's got her team going through all the customer parts and products this week." He put the paper down. "If there's time I'm supposed to work on one of Frank's rebuild projects and practice welding, but Frank will be back on Thursday for the weekly staff get-together so I don't have any meetings to worry about."

"Tool inventories are the worst, ugh." Tony wrinkled his nose. "Hope you got lots of coffee on hand."

"Yeah, those are pretty boring." Ben sighed. "Is there something else I should be doing?"

"Not right away, but we do have our first motorcycle safety course of the year coming up at the end of the month. Latest word I have from the police department is that they're only expecting about twelve students given that it's so early in the year. I've got one of my boys starting on reviewing the handouts for updates, but I'd like to get five of the used bikes checked out just to be on the safe side. I'm figuring on using three at a time for the hands-on demos and exercises with two as backups. That way we'll be covered if they have more students or one of the primaries starts acting up."

"We should be able to get those pulled out of the warehouse and into the shop sometime this week. I don't see any problem finding time to have them all ready by the end of next week, even if we find any snags that need to be fixed."

They chatted for a few minutes about their Christmas and New Year's activities until Mattie stuck her head in the doorway.

"Hey, Tony! I brought in a bunch of leftover holiday cookies. They're in the break room if anybody wants some." She turned up the wattage on her smile. "Hey, there, Mr. Acting Boss Man. What's on the agenda? Are we actually gonna work or will I have time to catch up on my reading?"

Ben put on a severe expression. "You are going to work very diligently, Miss Mattie." He tipped back his chair and put his hands behind his head. "I am going to supervise to make sure you're doing it right."

Mattie blew him a big raspberry as Tony laughed. "Jeez, first morning and already he's got a swelled head."

"Tsk, tsk, such disrespect." Ben grinned and sat up straight. "Mostly the main thing we'll be doing is the quarterly inventory."

Mattie pulled a face remarkably similar to Tony's earlier grimace. "Oh, joy."

"Well, Frank does like a thorough job," said Ben, "but it shouldn't be quite so bad with two of us. Just think of it as an opportunity to check out a lot of the specialty tools we don't get a chance to use much."

"You're just a barrel of fun." Mattie turned, speaking over her shoulder. "I'm going to have some coffee."

"Okay. Get your tablet and I'll meet you in the tool room in ten minutes," Ben replied. "I'll go see if Karen can't get us logged into the inventory app."

Ben and Tony headed out of the office to start their respective tasks for the day.

*** *** ***

The day passed slowly but by four o'clock, Ben and Mattie had made significant inroads on the long list of tools, equipment and expendable supplies due to be checked for this quarter.

"Hey, Ben, you got a minute?" Karen stuck her head into the secure high-value tool vault. "There's a customer on the phone asking about the status of a rebuild project."

"Please ask him to wait a moment and I'll take it in Frank's office. He keeps a list of all his projects in there." Ben turned to Mattie. "Appreciate it if you could finish this last little bit and start locking up. We'll pick up again in the morning."

'You got it." Mattie gave a casual salute as Ben hustled out, tablet computer in hand.

For the next fifteen minutes Ben chatted with the customer. He had Frank's project information in front of him as they talked so he was able to answer most of the questions, took notes on the customer's concerns and a few minor change requests and promised to follow up with him when Frank returned. He then conscientiously wrote up a report on the day's accomplishments plus Tony's request to pull out five bikes for the upcoming safety class.

After verifying the last entry on his tablet, Ben signed off for the day. He took a deep breath and let it out as he leaned back in the chair. Ben glanced up to make sure the door was mostly closed before sneaking a hand to just below the base of his throat to rest two fingertips on the claddagh pendant nestled there under his t-shirt.

A quiet sigh of happiness wisped through Ben's pursed lips as he rested his head on the back of the chair. The last three days had been quite an emotional roller coaster, but Quilan Finn's unexpected declaration of love and commitment the previous evening had gone a long way toward helping to warm the icy gut-wrench of his father's disownment. A smile teased the corner of his lips as he pressed a little harder. The pressure of the hard metal circlet was a reassuring reminder of its genuineness.

Ben snapped back to reality when Mattie barged in to report on her progress. They did one last sweep of the shop before closing up for the day and heading out.

For once Qui made it home only scant minutes after Ben, heading down to their basement retreat to toss his jacket and a bulky black trash bag on the table before enveloping his mate in a tight hug and giving him a long, hungry kiss.

"How's my boyo tonight?" Qui held his lover loosely.

"Mmmm." Ben turned his head and rested it against Qui's chest. "Always good when I'm with you." When Qui was in uniform, Ben had learned to ignore the heavy metal buckle of his ranger's equipment belt where it tended to dig into his stomach. "Work was pretty quiet today. It was kind of pisser being nominally in charge, even if all we did was inventory stuff."

"Nice to know they're trusting you, even if it's on a short leash."

"Yeah." Ben grinned. "Felt like kind of a step up in the world that Frank trusted me to take care of things while he was gone; the owner only came by a couple of times to check on how it was going." He shrugged and the grin slid to a self-deprecating half-smile. "Realistically, of course, it's not like they had many choices if Frank was going to take some time off."

"It's still a step forward, so don't knock it." Qui dropped his voice to a soft murmur. "How are you doing inside?"

Ben's face stilled as his arms tightened around Qui's waist. He was very quiet for a long moment before he responded. "I'm trying just to think about us… but the rest of it still hurts a lot. I still don't understand how he could have done those things. He's my father, for Christ's sake."

Qui rested his chin atop Ben's head as he rubbed the back of Ben's neck with one hand. "You know you can talk to me about it."

"Yeah. I know." Ben's stomach chose that moment to interject a loud rumble. He gave a half laugh, half snort. "I think right now I'd rather eat than talk." He reached up for a quick kiss before stepping back to hopefully preclude any questions. Tomorrow's hearing in Boston for the restraining order his father had requested was a topic he was trying to avoid thinking about.

"Aye, supper sounds like a good idea."

As Ben turned headed to their bedroom to change his boots for sneakers, he caught sight of the big bag his mate had left on the table. "What's all that about?"

"The admin folks were doing some housecleaning to make room in the storage cabinets so I snagged some stuff before it went into the trash. Partial rolls of old newsprint and remnants of those big briefing pad things, old markers, an ancient box of grease pencils, odds and ends of leftover office-type stuff. No guarantees that any of the pens or markers still work but I thought it might be worth taking a few minutes to find out after I got it all home."

"Sure, we could check that out when we find a spot to store the stuff."

"I was thinking you might be after wanting to use the paper." Qui shrugged one shoulder as he unbuckled his equipment belt. He held the heavy belt in one hand as he made a vague waving motion with the other. "You know, if there were words you wanted to be writing down."

Ben took a slow breath as he closed his eyes. "Right, thanks. I'll, uh, think about that." Had it really only been less than one day since Qui had challenged him about letting his father use trigger words to hurt him? He felt a light pressure on the claddagh pendant; Qui caressed it twice.

"I love you, Ben."

Ben looked up and was sucked into blue eyes gazing down at him. He lunged back into Qui's embrace and hugged him tight. "I love you so much," he whispered. Ben waited a minute to let the sudden tightness in his throat dissipate.

This time it was a grumble from Qui's stomach that made both men smile as they broke apart. "'Tis sure that life has its little ways to remind us of practicalities. The kitchen smelled right grand when I came through so we'd best not be keeping the cook waiting."

"Sounds pisser to me."

It took only a few minutes to get ready. Ben was starting to open the door when Qui touched his arm.

"Been thinking that maybe we should decide when to tell our ladies about us."

Ben pursed his lips a moment. "Yeah. It is the kind of thing I want to share with them, and they're very discreet." He grinned. "How about with dessert tonight and get it over with?"

"That's fine with me. You can have the honor if you want."

"Thanks, appreciate that."

**** **** ****

Jane's kitchen always seemed to have a warmth that was more than just physical. Ben had never really thought much about it, but tonight for some reason it just seemed more welcoming than usual. His mood grew increasingly mellow as the simple meal of salad, spaghetti with meatballs and home-made garlic bread proceeded.

Even Rafa seemed to have a bit more glow in her cheeks. "This is really good. Do you put anything special in your sauce?"

"I suppose you'd call it a bit of a family recipe," said Jane with a half-smile. "Just started with the way my grandmother used to make it and fiddled with things over the years. It's easy to make and easy to adjust if you have company for dinner."

"Speaking of company…" Rafa's expression was determinedly casual. "Misha's back in town from the winter break since he has to start work at the computer lab before classes begin next week. Friday he's going to show me how to fix some problems I've been having with my laptop, so I was thinking it might be nice to have him over for dinner if that's okay." She kept her gaze on her plate.

"Of course that will be fine. He's such an agreeable young man that it will be a pleasure." Jane smiled slyly. "He's still awful thin, so I enjoy getting him fed properly."

Ben looked at Rafa and started to smirk, but caught himself before potentially sticking his foot in his mouth with a teasing phrase. "I'm sure we'll all look forward to seeing him again. He seemed like a nice guy." He felt a warm tingle inside when Qui discreetly shot him an approving glance.

To her credit, Rafa blushed only a little as she thanked Jane and Ben before turning the conversation to other topics.

By the time they cleared the table for dessert, Ben was having trouble containing his happiness as he kept glancing at Qui. It wasn't until after everyone had marveled over the incredible chocolate chip cannoli Jane provided that Ben realized how obvious he must have been.

The kitchen grew quiet as everyone finished the last luscious bites or sipped coffee. Jane folded her napkin and cleared her throat.

"Now, then, Mr. Kennan. Clearly there is some kind of news that is just about to bust out all over if you try to keep it in any longer." Jane's expression was dry, but there was a definite twinkle in her eyes. "I surely do hope it's much better than what happened to you over the weekend."

Ben looked around the table and realized that everyone was staring at him, even Qui, although his mate was working hard at trying to keep a straight face and not quite succeeding.

"Well, yes, I do have some very good news." Ben rubbed a finger along the edge of the table. "I suppose in a way it sort of started with the bad news about my father cutting me out of his will and all that other stuff." Ben glanced at Qui. "I was feeling bad about everything, but last night Qui and I had a long talk. He convinced me I need to get beyond what my father did and take more charge of my life." Impulsively, Ben stood up and went to stand behind his mate, putting his hands on Qui's shoulders. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Not only that, but Qui wants to share that life with me, be part of what we can create for a new us beyond just living together. We know we've still got a lot of issues to work out and we don't know when or where we'll be able to do it, but Qui asked me to marry him and I accepted."

Everyone ended up on their feet as Jane and Rafa gathered around to congratulate and hug both men. For several minutes there were smiles, questions, more hugs and Ben showing off his claddagh pendant.

"I declare that is wonderful news. I'm sure I speak for Rafa, too, when I say how happy we are for both of you. I'm assuming you want this kept quiet for a while yet?"

"Aye, we do have to ask you to keep it just among us." Qui had one arm around Ben, who was nodding solemnly. "Like my boyo said, there will be a lot of things to sort out before we'll be ready to start planning for any ceremonies," he squeezed Ben closer to him, "but we wanted the both of you to know."

"We'll certainly honor your confidence," said Rafa. She raised a finger and pointed. "But don't even think about running off and eloping or something without us."

"Yes, ma'am," said Ben and Qui together as all four of them laughed.

Later that evening, the lovers sat on the couch cuddling, the lights low and a fire crackling.

"Felt good being able to share the news with the ladies," murmured Qui as he leaned in to nuzzle Ben's neck.

"Yeah, that was pisser. But they're our family now, so it was the right thing to do." Ben laid his head back on top of the couch.

"Aye, 'twas. Bet your sister will be happy for you, too."

"Yeah, I'll give her a call pretty soon," Ben mumbled. He shifted to capture Qui's head for a kiss.

The room was silent except for the fire and soft moans as hands and mouths continued a leisurely exploration.

"Ben."

"Hmmm?" Ben sat up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

"Tomorrow will likely be a long day for me. Might not get in until after midnight."

"Okay. Thanks for letting me know."

"You going to be alright? I mean, what with that damned hearing tomorrow back in Boston and all?"

Ben stared straight ahead, his eyes blank. For a few pleasant hours he had almost managed to forget about the restraining order his father had requested, but the sudden question twisted his gut into a cold knot. "Sure, I'll be fine," Ben finally managed to mutter.

"If there's anything I can do…"

A long sigh punctuated the suddenly chilly silence. "You've already done a lot for me, more than I could ever have hoped for. As for tomorrow, I guess I was just putting off thinking about it." Ben turned, taking Qui's hand. "Look, I WILL be alright. I'll stay busy at work, I need a good workout when I get home anyway, and I'll find things to do. I promise I'm not going to get all pissed off and break anything or mope around. I do get it – that would just be a waste of time and energy when I can't do anything about the frigging hearing. I just want to move on and get past this shit."

"That's my boyo." Qui smiled and embarked on an enthusiastic round of lovemaking.

Lying in bed that night, however, Ben still had a tiny icy core of pain that remained inside despite his lover's best efforts.

**** **** ****

_**7 January Tuesday** _

True to his promise, Ben actively sought out ways to keep his hands and mind busy. He and Mattie completed their quarterly tool inventory and then helped Karen's team wrap up their inventory of the customer products, in addition to a thorough cleanup and rearrangement of the customer section out front. They pulled out the five bikes that Tony wanted to use for the upcoming training and finished a detailed maintenance and functionality review of two of them. For the last hour before they went home, Ben asked Mattie to quiz him on the training material and motorcycle laws.

Ben changed into sweats when he got home and did a lengthy workout on the weights plus a half hour on one of the exercise bikes, letting his mind float down into the music he cranked up on Qui's stereo. After a hot shower and dinner he went back downstairs and decided to look at his email before deciding which of the books he had checked out of the library on his lunch hour that day he wanted to read first.

The first message drove all thoughts of the books from his mind. His sister Maureen's note was the top one in his inbox – it was quite innocuous, all about getting settled in back at school, excitement over upcoming classes, friends and a definite offer for another summer internship in San Francisco. A brief comment about how oddly smug their father and older brother had been during the holidays, however, brought his family issues back into sharp focus. The email ended with an offhand entreaty to call more often.

"Well, shit," grumbled Ben. He glanced guiltily at his cell phone; he had in fact still been thinking of putting off a call despite his offhand comment to Qui the night before. This disturbed him in a way that he hadn't wanted to analyze, since for years his sister had been his prime confidante for all things good or bad.

Ben sighed as he pushed his laptop away and leaned forward. He closed his eyes, rested his head on his hands and forced himself to think. He knew Maureen would take his side against Lars and his father, but he was reluctant to let her get dragged into this latest nastiness. Ben chewed on his lower lip as he thought about the two issues, getting disowned in the will and the restraining order. Yeah, those were pretty serious things, but in the long run was it really going to be that big an issue? It didn't affect him here in Wyoming, it wasn't like he had plans to go back to Boston in the foreseeable future and he sure didn't expect anything from his father after the scene the night his father kicked him out.

So why didn't he want to talk to Maureen?

Ben abruptly stood up, went out into the main room and began pacing. His mind raced around in circles, slowly spiraling in on thoughts of his family and his relationships to the others. He dismissed his older brother; Lars had always been a pain in the ass, but Maureen had buffered the worst of his antics. His father, well, that was the big story, the ongoing struggles to gain his respect and affection and his failures to make much of a dent in that area, at least in private. His mother…

"Damn it!" Ben stopped, his lips tight and jaw clenched. If he was going to be honest with himself like Qui was after him to do, then he had to admit that inside he knew why he was hesitating to call Maureen. Their mother was a good person, at least by her lights, not terribly affectionate but passionate about her church, and admittedly she did a lot of good things for other people. Ben and Maureen had never really agreed about their mother. Maureen had always thought there was more to her than Ben did and liked her, while Ben was mostly vague and neutral. His earliest memories were of the ever-present nannies or governesses; for the most part, Ben would have to say that if he thought of her at all, then by the time he became a teenager he had probably concluded that his mother must be some sort of an appendage of his father, since she had always made it clear that her Catholic faith required a devoted marriage. If he was going to be brutally honest, he'd have to admit that he didn't really know her very well but assumed that she probably knew about most of what his father did.

Ben swallowed and took a deep breath as he looked down and realized his hands were clenched hard. He reached back to his Tai Chi lessons and began relaxing, willing his body to release tension. Slowly he walked back into his room and sat down at his desk. For several minutes he stared at his cell phone. He really did want to talk to Maureen, but he didn't want to get into any arguments about either of their parents, so he considered how to frame the conversation.

Ben scrubbed his face as he took a very slow breath, then squared his shoulders and reached for the phone.

Ben felt his heart beating faster as the phone rang twice, thrice, then a fourth time. He glanced at the clock, grimaced when he realized he hadn't thought about how late it was in DC and was about to set the phone down when he heard a familiar voice.

"Ben, good to hear from you!"

"Hey, I forgot about the time difference. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Goodness, no, I'll be up for a couple of hours yet, trying to get a head start on some reading."

"Great. I got your email and it sounds like things are really going well. Tell me about it."

Ben took the phone over to his bed and got comfortable as Maureen expanded on the topics she had mentioned in her email. Ben expressed his happiness over her classes and the internship.

"I can't believe how pisser everything is turning out. I'm looking forward to seeing you on my way to San Francisco after the semester ends. You're still working at the motorcycle place, right? How's that going for you?"

"Really good. This week I'm even sitting in for the boss for three days."

"That's wonderful – I'm proud of you, little bro. Hope this year turns out to be a good one. I have to tell you, the holidays at home were a little strange. I still miss not having you here and things were kind of tense this year. I don't know what's going on with Father. He'd wander around with this weird kind of smug smile when he thought people weren't looking."

Ben felt his gut tighten at the mention of his father. "Aw, he probably has some scheme going to get another promotion or screw somebody over. You know how he is."

There was a short silence. "Ben, are you alright?"

Oh, shit, thought Ben to himself. Maureen had always been able to read him and apparently something in his voice had triggered a concern. May as well get this part over with.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine." Ben let a sigh leak over the phone. "I think at least part of what you saw with him had to do with me. Look, I don't want you to fuss, but I did get some stuff in the mail just after New Year's. Father apparently had his lawyer make it official that I've been cut out of his will. Some nasty bullshit about being disowned."

"Ben, how awful." Even across the cell signal, Maureen's indignation was clear in her tone. "That's not right at all."

"It was upsetting to get that, but you were there that night I had the argument with Father and he threw me out. Is it really so surprising that he'd pull some shit like this?"

"It may not be out of character, but that still doesn't make it right. You ARE his son, however much he wants to deny that."

Ben saw an opportunity to get past this topic without any further questions or digging if he could give her something much bigger and happier to divert her for now. "Maureen, I'm working on getting past all the issues with him. In a way, it may have been a good thing."

"Oh, come on, how can that possibly be a good thing?"

"Well, I was feeling bad, but Qui and I had a long talk about the whole situation and some ways to work on moving on. But I've got great news about what happened afterward." Ben let the words dangle to tease his sister into focusing on his next words.

"Great news? What do you mean?"

"Sunday night Qui and I were sitting in front of the fire, still talking about things, and" - Ben let his voice drop - "Qui got down on one knee and proposed to me, asked me to commit to sharing our life together. We're going to get married one of these days!"

"BEN! THAT'S FANTASTIC!"

Ben grinned as he held the phone away from his ear. He felt warm inside as Maureen gushed for a while; it was nice to confirm he had such an enthusiastic supporter.

"Do you have any idea of when or where?"

"No, there are still a ton of things to figure out before we can even think about that sort of thing. Hell, neither of us has even come out yet except to a couple of people."

"True, I'm sure there are a lot of considerations. I'd be willing to put good money on one thing, though."

"What's that?"

"Wherever you two finally decide to have the ceremony I'll bet there will be trees."

Ben laughed. "That's a sucker bet if I ever heard one."

They chatted for a few more minutes before they finally said good-bye. Ben leaned back into the pillows he had stacked behind him and smiled. He was definitely feeling much better than when he had opened his email. It felt good to have shared the news about Qui's proposal. On the other hand, he still had a bit of lingering guilt for not having told Maureen the full truth about what their father had done, but he knew she would have tried to dig into it further, and he just wanted the whole thing to fade into the darkness of events passed and gone.

That niggling nugget of guilt had a sharp edge, and it grated against Ben's mellow mood, until he finally stood up and went back to his desk. He put the phone back into its charger, pulled out the packet of legal documents from Boston and threw it down on the desktop. His father's will was a done deed, and he found he didn't really care about that, since he'd had no expectations of ever getting anything. The restraining order, however, did still stoke his anger even though he knew he was just as powerless to change it.

Ben stared at the envelope, brow furrowed as he chewed the corner of his lower lip. He thought about the conversation he'd had the previous night, the one that went from raging anger to fear and shame and then back up to an incredible joy. Qui was right – his father did have the power to hurt him with words.

"What was it Qui called him… yeah, a homophobic dickbrain gobshite." Ben snorted and continued in a sing-song voice, "A poof-hating mac soith who would probably like nothing better than to see every fag like you burn in hell." Ben remembered another part of the conversation and glanced out the open bedroom door. The bag of rescued office leftovers was still on the table. Ben grabbed the big envelope and jammed it back into a drawer. "I may not understand exactly what a 'mac soith' is, but I guess I am a goddamn fucking fag."

Ben went out into the main room and began rummaging in the bag. He pulled out a roll of newsprint that looked like it still had quite a few feet of paper and found several types of markers of various colors. He cleared the table and unrolled a large piece of the off-white paper.

"Alright, dammit, let's start reclaiming that frigging word like Qui said." Ben sat down, chose a broad black marker and took a deep breath that he let out slowly. "I sure as hell don't want that SOB to own it anymore."

Ben began at one end with big block letters, each a foot high. He carefully filled in the F, A and G, then started another perpendicular set almost as high. When he had five copies of the black letters, he switched to colored markers and began filling in empty spaces with smaller letters, some forward, some backward, some sideways. Fs, As and Gs filled almost every space by the time he stopped for a break.

Ben stood and stretched as he stared down at the letters for a moment. He went to the bathroom, and on his way back got a beer from their small refrigerator. After a long pull from the bottle, Ben tore off the completed section and pulled out a length of fresh paper.

This time, he started with a very wide red marker. Ben turned the paper sideways and created slanting letters the full twenty-four-inch height of the sheet. He methodically filled in the letters with heavy borders and slanted lines. On the slanted lines, he used the old grease pencils to write more variations, sometimes just FAG, sometimes with double or triple letters and throwing in an occasional 'faggot' for variety.

Ben kept at his task, heedless of time. He would pause occasionally for another beer or to tear off another length of paper, but continued doodling numerous variations of the word. Sometimes he would hum and sometimes he would simply chant 'fag' or break out in old children's songs but substituting lyrics such as 'Oh,yeah, I'm a fag, a happy little fucking fag, and it's a beautiful thing to be 'cause it's me, me, me'.

All in all, Ben found the whole exercise remarkably calming, and the longer he continued the less meaning he found in the word. They were just letters and sounds. Eventually it felt more like just another label but one with no sting to it, like thinking of himself as a Bostonian.

Ben was whistling softly as he concentrated on filling in a particularly colorful set of curlicues and arabesques around the columns of Fs, As and Gs in his latest iteration.

"Jaysus, you don't half do a thing when you set your mind to it, do you?"

The amused tones broke Ben's concentration. He sat up and blinked. "What?"

"You." Qui sauntered forward, waving an arm around as he stopped by the end of the couch, his equipment belt dangling from his other hand. "You've been fair busy tonight." He tilted his head to read one of the papers. "My artistic and fanciful fag." He grinned.

Ben looked around. The table was surrounded by discarded batches of paper covered in variations on the word 'fag', used-up markers, empty beer bottles and cardboard tubes from partial newsprint rolls. He grinned sheepishly back up. "I guess I got a little carried away." He glanced at his watch as he stood up to stretch. "Shit, it's almost two!"

"Aye, 'tis." Qui came over, dropped the heavy leather belt on a chair and wrapped Ben in a hug. "How do you feel?"

"Good." Ben nodded. "I do feel a lot better. I talked to Maureen earlier, told her about the will and about us, but I didn't want her getting all wound up over that stupid restraining order so I didn't mention that part. After the call, I guess I felt kind of uncomfortable because I hadn't told her, and then I remembered our conversation last night and, well…" Ben turned around and pointed at the debris. "I just started in."

"Did it help?"

"Yeah. You were right. The more I wrote it and repeated it, the less it meant; hell, I didn't even notice when you used it just now. The old man wants to call me a fag, so what? I am a fag, a faggot, a homo, a queer, a gay… whatever people want to call it, they're all just labels." Ben shrugged inside his mate's loose embrace. "I still know when they mean it to be hurtful, and I know I still have a lot to work to do in dealing with all that kind of shit, but I'm trying to learn to look at other people's attitudes as being their problem, not mine."

"That's a good way to think about it." Qui gently shifted Ben back around and gave him a long, slow kiss. "You're a good man, my love. And there are no labels that can change that." He bestowed a short buss on his mate and then tousled his hair. "And much as I'd like to give you a nice reward for your work, I'm thinking we'd best be getting some sleep if we're going to have to be up again in a few hours."

"Yeah, I'm afraid you're right." The last few beers made their presence known. "Look, I need to take a leak, but I do want to clean up before bed. And…" Ben looked at the loose papers. "I'd really like to burn this crap in the fireplace if you don't mind."

"Sure. Let me put my gun away and I'll give you a hand."

With two of them, it only took a few minutes to gather the results of Ben's work. Qui started the fire and Ben fed in the crumpled remnants one by one. They stood holding each other, watching and listening as the paper burned fast and hot, roaring up into the chimney until only ashes remained.

**** **** ****

_**8 January Wednesday** _

Ben yawned, a jaw-cracking inhalation that was evidence of his lack of sleep. He had been fine all morning while he and Mattie checked out the remaining three bikes that would be used for Tony's training, but drowsiness had quickly crept up on him when he sat down in the break room to review one of the welding books.

He yawned again, then shook his head. "Wow." Ben got up and poured a cup of coffee from the communal pot. It was nice and hot and helped combat his lethargy. He glanced up at the clock on the wall and realized it was well into the lunch hour.

Ben pulled his lunch box and a folder from his locker. He pored over the papers in the folder as he ate a sandwich, carrots and home-made cookies. When he was finished with his meal, he closed the folder and slapped the cover.

"Alright, it's a new year and time to stop dithering about. It's a solid list, a good price and I've got enough money saved up, so let's see if we can't get this bad boy finished."

Ben put his lunch box away and headed for his boss's office. First he checked for any voice mails, then fired up the computer to check Frank's messages. He answered the routine items, found a file that Karen had requested and added a comment to the list of notes he was keeping to give to Frank upon his return. Then he logged onto his personal email, checking the time to make sure he didn't abuse the privilege of being allowed to use a company computer for personal business.

"Yeah, I've definitely been putting this off too long," muttered Ben as he took a last look at the email he had received from one of Frank's suppliers. The message confirmed the list of parts, supplies and prices that Ben would need to finish the repairs for his motorcycle. Some of the individual prices weren't the best possible, but when Ben had called to discuss the transaction, he had mentioned Frank Mendoza's recommendation and that he preferred to get everything together if possible. After a little polite haggling, the man had come up with a good price for the whole package, dropped the shipping charge to almost nothing if Ben didn't mind waiting a few weeks and threw in some samples of cleaners, polishes and lubes, all of which were detailed in the email. Ben was satisfied that this was the best deal he could get, so he pulled out his only credit card that he normally saved for emergencies, filled in all the customer information and sent off his request.

Back out in the maintenance bay, Ben stopped by the corner where Myrna stood forlornly with her front end off. Since the accident on the icy roads a few months earlier, Ben had already done all the cleaning and repairs he could afford at the time; he had been researching the additional specialty parts he needed and prices since then, while he set aside money to cover the costs. He patted her reassuringly. "Hey, old girl, I finally got your stuff ordered. We'll have you put together and back on the road in plenty of time for spring. Sorry it took me so long." He sighed and rubbed away a few miniscule spots with his shirt sleeve before wandering out front to see if anybody needed help with anything.

Dennis Jones, one of the owners of Midway Motorcycle, called everybody together about two-thirty. Snow was predicted to start within the next hour or two and it would be coming in heavy and fast, so he told everybody to finish up for the day and go home. Ben was able to catch the first bus that went out his way and took advantage of his early arrival home to take a nap.

Ben was happily dreaming about flying down the road on Myrna when he shot up with a curse, swatting at the block of ice that seemed to have landed on his stomach.

The ice turned out to be two very cold hands that had been inserted under his t-shirt. The hands gave a last push and then ended up on Qui's hips as he laughed.

"You bastard! What the hell was that for?" Ben struggled to sit up and glared at his mate.

"Just needed to warm my poor fingers after all that snow shoveling, boyo." Qui grinned.

It was just registering on Ben that Qui was in civvies, not his uniform. "What the hell?" He looked at the clock on the nightstand. "Shit, it's after six." He stood up. "Why didn't you wake me if there was work to be done?"

"You looked so peaceful it seemed a shame to even be thinking of waking you. A right proper little angel." Qui still had a big grin as he leaned back against the edge of Ben's desk. "Besides, I needed the exercise after sitting on my arse in the office all day doing paperwork and now you're owing me one, so YOU can clear the walks in the morning while I sleep in."

"Fucking bastard." Ben grabbed a pillow and threw it at Qui.

Qui easily caught the pillow and tossed it back. When Ben's arm went up to deflect it, Qui tackled him backward onto the bed. They wrestled and rolled around on the sheets, Ben cursing, then both laughing, until Qui captured Ben's head and gave him a long kiss.

Ben wrapped his legs around Qui and pulled him close, enthusiastically returning the kiss. He would have been content to stay there forever but a hard knocking noise intruded into his awareness as he felt Qui pull back and prop himself up on his elbows.

"Hey, anybody home? Jane wants to know if Ben's awake and are you coming upstairs for dinner?" Rafa's voice floated in through the open door.

"Aye, Ben's up and you can tell Jane we'll be there in a few minutes," called Qui.

"Okay, thanks." The sound of footsteps clattered upward.

"I hope you're not TOO up," said Qui with a wicked smile as he twitched his hips against Ben. "That might take more than a few minutes before we can be joining the ladies for dinner."

"You really are a fucking bastard." Ben smiled back, grabbed Qui's head and pulled it down for a quick kiss before shoving him off the bed.

After the meal and dishes were finished, Ben and Qui returned to their basement.

"Did you have anything important that you were needing to get done tonight?"

"I was planning to work on a new journal for this year and update my budget, but those can wait. Something up?"

"Let's sit at the table so we can talk."

Ben sat down as Qui fetched some folders from his desk before joining him.

"I've been thinking about some of the things we've talked about in the last month." Qui leaned forward, elbows on the table and fingers steepled. "Now that we're moving into a new kind of relationship, as it were, with more serious intentions, it struck me that it's like a new beginning for this new year and we ought to be marking it by working on plans and getting paperwork done." He put one hand on the manila folders and pushed them toward Ben. "I've printed out copies of forms for things like power of attorney and I've been doing some research online so I can start figuring out what sort of questions to ask my HR people."

"Yeah, we did talk about that." Ben wasn't sure why he was so reluctant to pick up the papers, but he did remember the discussion at Christmas. "You're right; we need to resolve the legal stuff like health and finances, since it will probably be a while before we can actually get married." A sudden thought hit him and he looked sharply at Qui. "Wait a minute, did you say you're going to talk to your HR people already?"

"No, I said I've been doing some research to sort out the right questions I need to be asking. I have not talked to anybody yet about anything specific."

"Oh, sorry. It's just… I don't know, I guess I'm still not ready for anything that smacks of coming out."

"Ben, there are things we can be doing now, should be doing now, but I'm not going to rush ahead without telling you." Qui reached out to hold Ben's hand. "I want to take care of you as best I can, especially if anything should happen to me. But several of the things I need to do for you, like changing beneficiaries on my life insurance, are part of my work benefits and at least some of the paperwork probably will have to go through the HR lady."

"You doing all that research at work?" Ben looked down at their clasped hands.

"Just some general stuff since I was in the office anyway. It's no big deal, Ben. Jaysus, man, it's not like I'm sending out bloody emails telling the world about us. And at some point there may be some things you need to do where you work, you know. Are you thinking that's going to be an issue?"

"I don’t -" Ben stopped, took a deep breath, and reminded himself how important this was to both of them. He looked up at Qui's face and realized his mate's annoyance was justified. "Look, I'm sorry. I love you and I trust you, but I'm still touchier than I like about coming out and what it might mean for you and me. As for Midway, no, I don't actually think it would be a huge deal for them, at least not officially. It's already in their frigging personnel policies about equal treatment, non-harrassment and all that stuff." Ben squeezed Qui's hand. "But, you know, as much as I like living here, in the big scheme of things the state of Wyoming is not exactly a gay paradise. Even fifteen years after the Matthew Shepard killing, Wyoming is still one of a handful of states that have no hate crimes laws and no anti-discrimination legislation. And I kind of doubt that we'll be able to get married here for a really really long time."

"Alright, I'll give you the whole general point that being gay isn't as easy as being mainstream heterosexual, and Wyoming in particular is sucking hind tit on gay rights issues." Qui tapped the folders with his free hand. "To me that just means one, the lawyers and notaries Liz recommended know they have to be particularly discreet, and two, we'll need to find somewhere else to do the wedding. And quite frankly, I think this whole thing of 'us' is going to be a much bigger shock to my friends who've known me for years than anything they might think about you, who they don't really know. So we both have a lot at stake here."

Ben swallowed hard at this reminder of his heedless selfishness and nodded. "You're absolutely right and I never intended to make light of your issues. If you ever think I'm being stupid about something because I don't understand where you're coming from, you have my permission to whack me upside the head." That fetched a smile from his mate as Ben reached out to hold both of Qui's hands. "Tell you what, let's prioritize which papers we want to finish first and start working on those so we can see if there's more information we'll need to dig up, okay?"

"Aye, that sounds good."

"I think right now we're both agreed that we don't want to say anything more than absolutely necessary?" Ben waited until Qui nodded. "I'll give you your point that more research would be helpful. In fact, if you want to email people or groups directly, I'll help you set up a relatively anonymous email address; that way you won't have to use your work addy."

"I hadn't thought about that, but it surely does sound like a good idea." Qui raised an eyebrow. "Can you fix it so we can both use it? I don't want to have to be forwarding stuff to you all the time."

"Sure thing, that's easy."

"Sounds like a deal. Let's be getting to it, then."

The two men settled down to their work. They discussed five 'must-have' documents Liz had recommended: a will, durable power of attorney, health-care proxy, living will and medical release. They decided to start with the power of attorney and health-care proxy but agreed to tackle the others on their next day off. Line by line Qui would read and they would discuss.

Over the next few hours they filled in as much as they could of the first two documents each of them would need; they made enough progress on those that they had time to add the medical releases also. The areas that required further discussion were highlighted, and they agreed that getting copies of certified birth certificates would probably be useful just as a generally good thing to have. They both had passports that were good for a few more years but neither of them still had the actual birth documents.

Ben sat back, stretched and yawned. "I'll be glad when we get this shit completed. Just thinking about some of those questions gives me heebie-jeebies, and we haven't even got to the wills." He pointed at Qui and shook his finger. In his most severe tone he continued, "I hereby decree that you are not allowed to get hurt or die before me. I don't think I could deal with all the paperwork."

Qui snorted but there was a somber undertone to his amusement. "By all the saints, I wish it were that easy." He stared at the stacks of forms and notes. "We've got a decent start but 'twill be good to get this lot finished, plus things like insurance. I'll be sleeping a little bit easier once I know I've done what I can to take care of you."

"Jesus Christ, but that's starting to sound morbid." Ben stood up and moved around to stand behind Qui. He leaned down to whisper in Qui's ear, "Come to bed with me, my studly one, and help me make sure I don't start the year with bad dreams about this stuff." Ben nuzzled the side of Qui's neck. "You can help me with my therapy and whisper lewd words about your lusty fag."

"Now that sounds like a challenge, my poor tender-hearted boyo." Qui turned his head and captured Ben's lips for a moment. "I shall even be a gentleman and let you have the bathroom first."

"Aw, you just like to make an entrance when you come in the room, you drama queen."

"Drama queen, is it? I'll show you drama if your arse isn't in that bed waiting for me in five minutes." Qui gave a playful smack to Ben's rear as he leered.

Ben scampered off but paused at the entrance to the bathroom to shoot a finger at his mate before disappearing inside with a big grin.

Only slightly after the prescribed five minutes, Ben was naked and in bed with the covers folded back. As he waited, he could feel his pulse starting to increase with anticipation of what his mate might have in mind.

Finally, the mostly closed bedroom door was slowly pushed open. Qui stood in the entrance in an old ripped t-shirt and white jock strap, outlined against the darkness behind him by the dim light of the bedside lamp. He stretched his arms up to grasp the edge of the doorframe and cocked one hip. He ran his gaze up and down Ben's body as his tongue slowly circled his lips.

"So, boyo, are you after wanting a taste of this?" rasped Qui huskily as he thrust his hips forward.

Ben stared at his sexy ranger and swallowed hard. His breath hitched a few times and he managed to get out a low sultry, "Ooohhh, yeeeahhh." He sucked on the middle finger of his right hand until it was dripping, then trailed the digit down to his nipple. He twirled his finger around until the nub was hard. His cock was already rising as he spread his legs in mute invitation.

Slow-motion swagger best described Qui's progress across the floor. He stopped by the side of the bed. With a tiny half smile, he reached out to pet the tip of Ben's cock, a light touch that had the organ leaping up for more.

"Oh, Jesus." Ben grabbed the sheets as an electric tingle ran up his spine. He had to gasp for a breath, but was eventually able to cheekily whisper, "Kind of overdressed, aren't you?"

"It is a little warm in here," drawled Qui. "Seems to me you should be doing something about that, boyo." He moved closer so his legs pressed against the edge of the mattress.

Ben eagerly scrambled up onto his knees and reached forward, only to have Qui take his wrists and hold them up.

"Ah, ah, not so grabby, boyo." There was a challenging gleam in the blue eyes as he bent down to allow a kiss.

The kiss was a tease, lips closed except for the barest slit. Ben pushed harder but Qui pulled his head back. With his wrists captured in Qui's paws, Ben could not reach his true desire, so he settled for working his way down. He started by licking the side of Qui's neck, pausing to suck on the skin at the base in a couple of places. The t-shirt was in the way of his next objective, so he grabbed the torn neck with his teeth and pulled it a couple of times to tear it half off Qui's chest.

Ben eagerly licked the newly exposed skin until he could nibble and suck on Qui's nipples, alternating his attentions until both stood upright. He used his teeth to rip some more of the cloth, then rubbed his stubbled face against Qui's belly, reveling in the muscle contractions that rippled against his cheek. He licked swirling circles onto the soft skin and occasionally dipped down into the sunken belly button.

The pressure on Ben's wrists decreased as the volume of Qui's little groans increased. Abruptly, Qui released Ben's wrists and pushed his head lower.

Ben quickly took advantage of his freedom. He grabbed Qui's hips and pressed his face against the ribbed sack that held Qui's expanding cock. He sucked the cloth until it was wet, as Qui's musky odor filled his nose. Ben used his teeth to hold the upper edge of the strap and pulled it slowly down until Qui's erection popped up over the edge. Ben sucked in the heavy organ until it hit the back of his throat, humming as he worked it in and out.

"Jaysus!" moaned Qui. His hands slipped down to Ben's shoulders to help brace himself. He moaned again as his hips began thrusting.

To gain a little breathing room, Ben switched to running his tongue up and down the length of Qui's cock. It was hard to keep his grip on Qui's hips between the sweat starting to slick his hand and Qui's thrusting.

"Oh, bloody fucking saints!" Without warning, Qui pushed Ben back onto the bed and awkwardly scrambled to get the jock strap and t-shirt remnants off. "Want more of you." Qui almost fell onto the bed in his eagerness to get to Ben's cock.

Ben happily acquiesced to the change of perspective as Qui lined up so they were on their sides with heads at each other's crotch. He wrapped his upper arm around a hip and pulled Qui closer; with his lower hand, he grabbed the base of Qui's cock so he could start sucking again. Occasionally, he would slip down to suckle his balls or fondle and squeeze them.

"Aaahh, yeah, yeah!" Ben was on fire, sweat popping out as Qui's tongue and mouth drove him crazy. Thunder roared in his ears from the simultaneous sensations of Qui's cock in his mouth and his own cock being sucked unmercifully.

Lust drove both men to a fever pitch. Their hips thrust blindly as they struggled for enough control to continue their wanton assault on each other's engorged phallus. Moans of ecstasy intermingled.

Ben was lost in the barrage of sensations, his eyes closed, hands and mouth working frantically. His back arched when a large hand sneaked between his legs and two fingers began thrusting into his ass.

"Jesus, oh God, yes, yes!" Ben rocked his hips back and forth between the probing digits and the hot mouth that slurped up and down on his cock. He didn't even hear his own hoarse yell as his balls tightened and he stiffened in completion.

Ben fought for breath and it took him several seconds to realize that he still had one hand clutching Qui's erection. He squeezed once, eliciting a groan from his lover.

"Qui, want you inside." Ben pushed Qui away and rolled over onto his belly into the vacated space. His cock was still half-hard and he wanted more. He was barely aware when Qui shifted around and pulled his hips up. The cool lube that dripped onto his asshole made him gasp.

"You want to me fuck you, fag boy?" crooned Qui. Two fingers pushed in, slathered with lube.

"Oh, yeah, fuck your hot little fag, dammit." Coming from Qui the spiteful word had become a love caress and Ben claimed it anew. "Fuck me now!"

The two fingers were briefly joined by a third, but all were quickly replaced by the tip of Qui's cock as he began pushing in. "Jaysus, what a tight arse you've got, my sweet fag boyo."

Ben grunted at the first big plunge. Qui held his hips tight and the pressure of his cock was setting off sparks in Ben's gut. There was nothing soft or romantic about the urgent pounding as Qui rocked back and forth, flesh slapping hard as Ben shoved back just as eagerly.

Red haze and salt sweat shuttered Ben's vision. He responded in kind to the raw need that radiated from his lover. Ben reached to fist his own iron-hard penis only to find callused fingers already there. Together they jacked hard in rhythm to Qui's fervid thrusts. The frantic pace quickly pushed them to a blinding rapture.

"Mmmmm." Ben's groan was barely audible. He was hot but filled with an incredible sated joy. The heavy weight on his back shifted a little and Ben whimpered when Qui's cock slipped from his body.

"Shhhh, it's alright," murmured Qui. "With a hot arse like yours in our bed, there'll surely be plenty more where that came from."

That struck Ben as incredibly funny, and he giggled as a soft cloth wiped sweat and semen from his utterly relaxed body. "Oh, yeah, want lots and lots more." He smiled as the light clicked out and he felt covers settling over him. He snuggled closer into his mate, already half asleep.

The last thing Ben remembered was Qui tenderly kissing the claddagh pendant around his neck and whispering softly, "Always more for you, a ghra mo chroi."

finis

///////////////

NOTE:  
PHRASE: a ghra mo chroi

PRONOUNCED: ah graw muh kree

MEANING: Love of my heart


End file.
